Amended Rule

Amended Rule “Robot boy!” Called two boys, Josh and Rick to Charles. Charles, a boy of honest blue eyes and jet black hair, yells back, “Am not you box heads!” Just then a bathroom door opens a sliver of a crack. This happened to be a good and bad time for Sonya, Charles’s mother to see an eyeful. Sonya was an ever faithful volunteer at Mountainview Elementary; when she was not working as a “female jack of all trades” for a private eye. Sonya’s first instinct was to fling open the door and rescue her darling boy. Sonya knew, though, that Charles had to learn to handle these situations on his own. Sonya did feel that gathering information about what was going on would help her prepare Charles better. At that moment Charles says, “Don’t do that!” He is kicked by one boy and hit by the other. This area of the halls and time of day lends itself for bullying. There are few teachers in this area of the halls. It is hard to see what is going on. During this time of day the principal is in the lunch room and the extra help is on the playground or in the gym, thus leaving less help to monitor the halls. Sonya knows these boys. They are in Charles’s class. Sonya concludes these boys have been mistreated themselves. Most kids in the special education classes have been treated badly by other kids at some point in their school career. Most likely these boys want to feel some power over another child to make themselves feel better too, having previously been bullied. Sonya thinks of the Chris, her husband and Charles father, have given Charles, “Never hit anyone.” This rule will have to be rethought and ‘amended.’ Sonya makes a unilateral decision she knows will anger Chris but someone has to do something to help her son. Sonya goes back to her volunteering and things about it. She will also talk to Charles about it on the way home. During the ride home Sonya asks, “Charles, why didn’t you hit back today when the boys called you robot boy and hit and kicked you?” “Mom you told me not to hit anybody ever.” Replied Charles mater of factly. Sonya knew she faced a hard dilemma. She had to be very precise with her ‘Amended Rule.’ Kids with autism were quite concrete and literal in their thinking. Sonya also had to reach her son to stand up for himself in the right way. This brought up another approach Chris wasn’t going to like but someone has to take care of things. Sonya would sign up Charles for karate. Sonya herself had a green belt. While Sonya remembered very little of the forms except how cute the boys looked when doing them, she still knew enough to have kept a would be purse thief from success once. Karate, if one went to the right place, taught you only to fight if you had to. Also, karate had been shown to be great in helping kids like Charles to increase their motor skills, attention span, self esteem and anxiety issues. Sonya had these mentally put away for defense note when Chris would fight against this move. A more immediate and pressing thing she would have to do herself is show Charles a few techniques herself. Chris wouldn’t be doing this. “Charles when we get home put up your stuff and put some shorts one. I have a few things to show you that will help you defend yourself. Okay?” “Yes mom.” Charles answered his mother. Sonya asks, “What is the ‘Amended Rule?’” Charles states, “I may hit or kick one time in order to get away and if I am pursued I must tell a grownup But if not pursued I do not have to tell a grownup.” Charles being a small child that worries about his parents argueing asks, “Will daddy like this mommy?” “Don’t worry about that son. Just do as I tell you. Daddy wasn’t at school. I was.” Sonya tells Charles. Chris gets home after Charles is in his room almost ready for bed. This is not unusual for Chris to work late. Sonya will have to remind Chris again that he could have stayed home with Charles if he wanted to. Sonya had the same training as Chris. But they had decided together that Sonya would work part time so Charles would have a parent with him more often at school and at home. Sonya tells Chris what has happened today. Chris’s eyes are turning red and flares start pouring out of blood vessels as they are about to pop. “No Sonya you are wrong. Just what makes you think you are so right? I am going to undo this tomorrow. You are stupid. What kind of idiot tells their kid to hit another kid and then not tell and adult in this situation?” Chris yells out. Chris asks with a little lower voice, “Can you get your money back on the karate?” “No and I am not going to ask. Furthermore don’t call me any names you useless excuse for a father. Where were you when this was going on? Why haven’t you been teaching your son how to defend himself like a man should have done by now? I have to do it as always. You never to any of the hard things. You want to be a Disney dad. How do you think he feels right now or he felt today? Think of him for once and not yourself. Should he let himself be beat to a pulp? Do you want him feeling like a looser? Your walking on thin ice here mister.” Sonya bellows out in the loudest voice of all Chris’s final remark is, “Well they best call you at your work and not me if and when Charles is expelled for hitting another child. I can’t be bothered to take off for such nonsense!” Sonya, even more upset now, “That’s it in a nutshell isn’t it.” Yet, her words were cut off by Chris slamming the door to his computer room. Sonya wished she had a sanctuary to go to. Sonya set there fuming even more because she didn’t. She wondered if she should proceed in to the room. Darn right she should. “Where does Chris get off thinking he can just shut her out?” She had given up a lot for this whole family. Right now being silenced was not going to be one of them. Still trying to get Chris to understand, Sonya opens the door. “Okay we will see who is right but I need help getting him to and from karate. Karate has a lot to offer and you know it. Prove me wrong on that and I will be happy to drop it. So will you help me are not?” Chris just slams the door in her face one more time. Charles comes walking out of his room, “Is everything okay mommy?” Sonya tells him everything will be fine. Then proceeds to tell him about how two bunny parents had disputes over raising their offspring and how it all worked out. She made up quite a good story she thought. Sonya picked bunnies because Charles had a soft spot for them. Over the next two weeks things are interesting to watch. Sonya sneaks to the bathroom at the same time to watch the boys. She really wanted to have an adult watching the boys without them knowing it. Sonya feels good about the elbow moves, blocks, foot stomps and punches she showed her son. Sonya also pats herself on the back for knowing that an uncoordinated child with autism could learn just enough to make an impression on these boys without really hurting them at this point. That might change after some formal training but not yet. The boys backed off. They were supriesed and even a little upset. They weren’t betting on Charles fighting back. It wasn’t too long though until they were fast friends again. So after two weeks of the ‘Amended Rule,’ it seems that Sonya had won the question or argument between Chris and herself. Chris was feeling really bad. He definetly had his tale tucked between his legs. “I’m sorry honey! You were right Sonya. Charles needed to stand up for himself. And the karate is good for him in more ways than one. Sonya my dad was never around to show me these things. You seem to have soaked up the girl and boy stuff from your parents. Thanks for being right and sticky up for Charles against me.” He then hands Sonya a big bunch of flowers. Sonya accepts the flowers this time. She loves Chris and Charles. She knows the best thing for a child with autism is routine. Change is not something that is easy. Divorce would be devastating for Charles. Still Sonya was growing very tired of Chris and his swinging back and forth from calling her names and then coming around to her way of thinking. He was also in denial about Charles’s issues. Marriage counseling was deep in the back of her mind or dare she thing about divorce knowing what that really would mean. Oh well that was for another day as all was okay with this battle of the war being fought and over for now.